


Reluctant Petsitter

by catisacat



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-15 22:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12330318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catisacat/pseuds/catisacat
Summary: Mordecai entrusts Lilith with Talon for a weekend and she's immediately regretting it.





	Reluctant Petsitter

**Author's Note:**

> Just found this half finished in my reject folder and figured I'd fix it up and post it!

Oh god, does the screeching ever end? So far the answer seems to be “no.”

Lilith put her pounding head in her hands as Talon continued his war on her eardrums.

Damned if she knew why the bird was screaming so much.

She’d offered the creature food, water and even a live skag pup to amuse itself with. All to no avail. Unless you counted the tightly bandaged gash on her arm that she’d received for her troubles.

The room was in shambles. Talon kept taking off and seemed to be almost intentionally knocking things off shelves with his wide wingspan. Between the screaming assaults on her apartment he just sat on the heavy perch that Mordecai had dragged over for her to borrow and looked at her, hatefully.

Lilith was about five seconds from self immolating and ending this torture.

Even her girlfriend knocking on her door didn’t make her feel better. Maya intended to try though.

“What’s wrong?” Maya joked as she looked in, covering the ear facing the offending avian.

“Dumb bird…” Lilith mumbled. A poor choice considering it was nearly drowned out by the continued screeching. She continued nonetheless, “Mordecai asked me to watch him for the weekend. Now he won’t stop screaming.”

“Relatable,” Maya said, making a chirping noise at Talon with her mouth.

Lilith moved to warn Maya as she approached the bird but she didn’t listen. For a second, Lilith was reasonably worried that Talon was going to rip off one of her extended fingers. Shockingly, he allowed her to scratch him under the jaw. For once, his screams were replaced by the happy clicking noises he normally reserved for Mordecai himself.

“Holy shit, Snow White, when did you get here?” Lilith said, leaning against her countertop in shock, “How did you do that?”

“Animals like me,” Maya shrugged, continuing to stroke Talon’s scruffy feathers, “They always have.”

“Hey, if you stay here and keep Talon from screaming for the weekend I will cook you the most amazing things you’ve ever eaten for each and every meal.”

Smirking back at her girlfriend, Maya crossed her arms, “It seems I have quite the bargaining chip here, don’t I?”

“Maya! C’mon! Don’t do me dirty like this!” Lilith groaned, yelping as Talon let loose another scream.

Putting her arm out, Maya let Talon climb up on it. Petting it and walking towards her made Lilith picture her girlfriend as a villain in a campy spy flick. Scratching Talon’s back, Maya made some demands, “I want to pick all the things we watch too. Also, you don’t wake me up when I inevitably steal all the covers. Oh! And I’d like a backrub.”

“That’s too much! I make you wonderful dinners and you get to pick what we watch, that’s it,” Lilith bargained.

“Ha! My haggling worked, no takesies-backsies,” Maya conceded, looking proud of herself.

Sighing and rolling her eyes, Lilith asked, “Alright, what are your first demands?”

“Skags of Honor and rakkburgers.”

“Really? Skags of Honor?”

Sitting down with Talon hopping onto her lap and settling down, Maya defended her choice, “Axton loves war and actions movies and frankly? He’s gotten me hooked on them too so get used to it.”

“Why couldn’t you have liked Gaige’s Sci-Fi?” Lilith complained before ducking into the kitchen.

“Too cheesy,” Maya explained, pulling Talon a bit closer as he rested his head on her sternum, “It’s all ‘it’s aliiiiive!!’ and bad special effects, no substance.”

Lilith yelled from the kitchen as she started making the patties, “Yeah but it doesn’t make me cry over the man dying in a war who wanted to see his newborn daughter just once!”

“Who doesn’t enjoy a good cry?!” Maya yelled back.

“Me! I like not crying! It’s actually my favorite way to be!” Lilith yelled back.

Ignoring Maya’s laughter, Lilith set about actually finishing her cooking. A while later she reemerged with one burger for her, one for Maya and a small pile of meat in a cup for Talon.

“Alright, bon appetit!” Lilith said, handing one of the two plates to Maya and placing Talon’s feeding cup on the coffee table in front of them. The bird happily got off of Maya to hop over and peck at his dinner with wild abandon.

Taking a bite out of her burger Maya questioned Lilith, “So, if you were so not ready to take care of Talon why take Mordecai up on his request?”

“Honestly I didn’t realize how uncooperative Talon was going to be without Mordecai,” Lilith admitted, watching Talon go ham on his dinner, “Like, he’s listening to you but he absolutely doesn’t care when I try. I didn’t think he’d just scream at me. I thought I was gonna have a fun time with a cute bird.”

“Hasn’t Talon been biting at your fingers since he first hatched?”

“I… was hoping if we hung out more that would change…”

As if on cue, Talon looked up from his meat feast to scream at her.

“Animals aren’t quite that easy,” Maya laughed, putting her burger down for a second to pat her lap. Talon obliged, jumping up after snapping up the last of his meal. Maya continued, “You’ve got to let them know you’re their friend. You’ve seen how Mordecai is around her, just kinda imitated that.”

“So I should get drunk and yell at the neighbors?” Lilith joked.

“C’mon, he’s working very hard on not doing that,” Maya chastised, before patting Lilith’s lap for Talon to move again.

Feeling Talon’s, well, talons digging into her leg certainly wasn’t putting her at ease. Even as Maya gestured for Lilith to try and scratch him under the beak. Nervously, Lilith obliged. Talon slowly closed his eyes, even as his nails dug into her thigh.

“Good! Now tell him he’s the prettiest of boys.”

“You’re too good at this, have you been buttering up this bird for a while now?”

“Oh absolutely,” Maya nodded, “Ever since we started dating. I wanted all your friends to like me and Mordecai was standoffish. It seemed like the easiest way to get on his good side and to be frank, it worked really well.”

“And how’d you get on Brick’s good side, then?”

“Punched a bad guy with all the Siren power I could muster.”

“Yeah that’ll do it,” Lilith nodded, continuing the imitate how Mordecai would pet Talon who seemed to be enjoying himself.

“Have you tried to get on the good sides of my friends at all?” Maya teased.

“God, no. Your friends are so much more complicated than mine. It’s less about ‘getting on their good side’ and more ‘trying to stay off their shit list’ with them,” Lilith mumbled, “Honestly it kinda… it kinda makes me a bit worried. I know they’re important to you.”

“That’s a fair assessment of them, want a guide?” Maya asked, “Maybe it’ll help or at least make you feel better.”

“Hell, you’ve got Talon tolerating me. Lay it on me.”

“With Axton just literally any stories about your adventures will have had will have him in the palm of your hand. He loves hearing about that stuff. Don’t be afraid to embellish a little, he’s extremely gullible.”

“Got it, tell him mild lies about killing The Destroyer.”

“For Gaige just tolerate her going on and on about her robotics, she doesn’t really care if you understand she just wants to get the words out of her head.”

“Smile and nod while she talks about Deathtrap.”

“Salvador? Get drunk with him in the wasteland then just shred a bandit encampment together. He’ll absolutely die for you if you do that.”

“Drunken mass murder, alright.”

“Krieg and Zer0? Oddly enough the same thing. The more you treat them like they’re normal and less like a couple of freaks the more they like you. Also, you know, tolerating the stuff that makes people call them freaks.”

“Treat Krieg like he was before the experiments and lie to Zer0’s lack-of-face.”

Maya laughed, “They’ve got a face under there.”

“Oh my god, have you actually seen Zer0 helmetless?” Lilith said, jumping a little which made Talon ruffle his feathers in agitation, “You have to tell me wha-”

“Nope,” Maya shook her head, “Hardcore nope. That’s their business.”

“Can you at least tell me if they’re a robot or an alien or a human or what?” Lilith begged, smoothing down Talon’s feathers again, “I mean, if they’ve got a face they’re not a robot. So are they-”

“Treat them like normal long enough and find out yourself,” Maya denied.

“Fine, fine, but soon they’ll all love me like Talon apparently does n- OW!” Lilith yelped as Talon bit her again.

“Yeah, it’s not that easy,” Maya laughed, “You’re gonna spend a lot of time doing that before he stops hating you completely.”

Lilith flinched as Talon took off again, done with her attempts at affection as he launched himself at his perch. Landing and staring at her judgmentally. Sighing, Lilith picked her plate off the table again, “Great, at least he’s stopped screaming. Plus, like, I get to spend all weekend with you too.”

“Maybe that was your secret plan all along?” Maya smiled, leaning over to peck Lilith on the cheek.

Just as Lilith was starting to smile, Talon resumed his screaming tyranny.

She was never petsitting for Mordecai again.


End file.
